On with the show!

Hello and friendships!

Thus far in the story, our concrete slab has been laid. 

Unfortunately, no photos were taken of the concrete pour which is a shame as my dear bloggers will never share the chaos, misdirection and farcical team leadership (your welcome, guys!) with which Studio Field View Visionaries delivered. I wept with pride/pain. On with the show!

Soleplate joinery: Notice the wisps of grass and strips of packing timber? When placed together, the hard structure of timber and soft structure of grass rub shoulders, their fingers touch then seduce each other in a fierce pleasure dance of passion. We watched this for hours before deciding to glue the joints together!

Above: We wanted to see if a tape measure could beat a snail in a race. We waited for hours till we realised we needed a snail to race it! What a shame, we were so excited and studiously patient.

Any expert working with materials knows that your material speaks to you. By linking my retina to a digital camera you good people of the internets can enjoy this exclusive vantage point and professional reading

Why's that broom over...?

...touchdown! Fooled you all, I win! 

Have a wonderful weekend, be triumphant my good spirits!

Soldiers, retreat!

Whilst waiting for concrete to hit Maximum Strength, I spent 2 days balancing my chakras on this farm.

They have a beautiful orchard of apple trees

A kind pony

A unique choice of accommodation (i chose to be an innovator and went with a tent)

I strolled around the estuary town of Maldon and saw these great wildlife guide descriptions

I know which one I am.

Nothing makes me happier than peeing in another man's boat.

You can't be on guard all the time, mister. One day you'll slip and I'll be there like an urban cat; territorial, spine arched for projection, flowing proudly under moonbeam.

(I likes the rope work)

I pitched up here. I win.

Zen ist so geil

The above example shows a man being a regular hazey daze on the compact plate.

This is the technique we here at Solar Lexus Landscaping excel at delivering; low centre of gravity sweeping. Comes equipped with variable forearm strength.

Zen raking

Some doughnuts on the Belle Plate Compactor FCLX 320 (<yes, say it again. Slower. Softer. Das is so geil)

Now the sand box is ready for one giant mountain tiger turd. 

Wish you a good evening, freunde!

Giant Cookie Cutter

To bake something the size of your garden, you're gonna need a lot of ingredients. Sounds like a lot of work right? Wrong

We here at Team Spiritual High Five utilise a technique that marries erect spine posture with witchcraft.

The barrows are imbued with our spiritual energy (trained through a daily regime of disco, non contact karate and atmospheric vocal harmonisation). 

The spiritual energy is so intense that the barrows whizz along collecting wet concrete from building suppliers across the UK depositing it in our trench. That's the concrete done!

After a morning of intense disco and rice, it's time to tackle the oversite. By focussing our mental powers (and erect postures), we increased the size of the barrow. 

Of course, having a strong body with a strong mind is essential to our advanced building techniques. 

That's why I had my new set of weights delivered.

You might think with our pure minds, pure bodies and the power of disco we're above peeing on the site. Wrong. Besides, as a rule I never flush.

Oh, these are the stakes we throw at people in the street to practice our non contact karate!! We never get hit!

Look closer

hiya freunde!

i'm a digger digger digger

Step 1: Laying out

Utilising Pythagoras' theorem and some string, try and make it as complicated as possible. 

Step 2:

Soak the lawn to a mud caked consistency.

Tie concrete blocks to your shoes and jump from a tall neighbouring building on to your line. Hopefully with enough force, you should sink into the ground and acquire a clean excavated trench as above. 

Step 3:

Repeat until all lines have been thoroughly stomped, completing your layout. 

The concrete slab above is what happens when your colleague leaps with too much fun. I had to put it there to halt his enjoyment.

Step 4:

Pull up a garden chair, a glass of Orange juice from Del Monte and start penning your new book of poetry.

knitting pipe cleaners

Captains log;

- Ordered 1 'keep driveway clear' sign from ebay

- watched neighbour's child run in circles on lawn with toy pram. (I thought he was mowing)

- now knitting pipe cleaners

"Nice day isn't it, young sir"

Sat by the river today. 

The next bench along sat another man with sun kissed special brew™ cheeks.

As I got up and walked past him, he said, 

"Nice day isn't it, young sir"

Yes it is. Then I pounced my swooning body over his dirty boot laces*

*may have only happened in my mind