hold cut attack!

Come come, copains auf die welt! Let me show you around the expert fixings we have on site. 

Where we can, we opt not to use screws or nails - it cuts into the wood and daggers its spirit. The number one choice for Studio Bonded Heritage is the use of clamps and cramps. 

I think you'll agree with us when we say its architectural finish is second to none.

To the untrained eye, these drilled holes might appear the work of a blundering craftsman - they are not! Transgressive materials answer to an 18v DeWalt cordless drill and a cruel hand. Then we console it with text messages (21st century poet's mode of choice, yes?).

As mentioned earlier, we fixed him in by mistake. Sorry template x.50 (more text messages).

So here's a true story (I know, they're rare here).

Cutting out the windows with our newly purchased no expense spared £2.60 router trimmer bit. Joy, new tools!

Locked in

Lined up

Cutting...

...and then the bit flies off. 

Goodbye £2.60.

Switch to the ryoba.

It cuts so fast

so you don't have to. 

Remember kids, Ninjitsu

+ carpentry 

= perfectly aligned views. Always.

Now I'm off to gulp the weekend air. Whatever happens, my happy champions, i say an amen to you and the universe

:)

progression 1.5

Of course he's impressed with his groin, but that's not what he's doing. Sprinkled cake mixture, heated palm technique and a mystical yelp results in...

Bingo! the final stud wall. 

 

Seen from above, someone scrounging for cake crumbs.

Ladies and gentlemens of the interverse (ooh, dim the lights, soldier), I've received numerous correspondence regarding how we organise things on one of our professional builds.

Well, when it comes to naming parts of our structure, Team Architectural Perpendicular employ a system of advanced nomenclature utilising a dictionary, a compass and 425g of chopped tomatoes.

Here are some of the titles produced which help us locate items and facilitate precise communication;

"Template x73" - superseded the slightly out of square "Template x61" which succeeded the mistakenly screwed in "Template x5.0"

Last few are self explanatory;

"Slightly Twisty"

"Cill Daddy Max"

"Luong: South"

Thanking you, freundschaft (mit fruchtfleisch) du monde!

masters of karate

What a beautiful summer's day. A makeshift table on bricks is laid as the sun makes it's journey to kiss the horizon. But all is not as it seems...

where is this highly skilled member of Team Earth Maximum wandering to?

Ah, returned to meditate by his table

Something's amiss! he's now levitating?! He's aware of something we're not, an intangible energy that he senses from his spiritually haughty face down to his floating buttocks

He springs up! The ritual's in transition

Smash!

Did you just see that?! Someone better put some food on the table next time.

And then a calm returns to the site. The evening stretches it's gentle body towards the close of day

But here's a glimpse, i see movement!

A human tiger leaps! The assassins limbs, shapes of cruelty! hawked with death!

Clinching buttocks!

And the gay laughter of a wildebeest!

Ladies and gentlemen, the weekend is your boat of rainbows to command. 

Plumb Maximum

Guten Abend!

My scattered discipline to blogging has resulted in a build up of photos. Commence the sweet mother cake of blog posts.

*Act I, Scene I*

As I was trying to dig my way out, this man opened a gate and started to install the telephone wire to god. 

God said he was torn by sadness. 

"What can we do to help?", we asked

"Articulate my sadness", he replied

No problem! We high fived and got our tools on the job...

Welcome to the Eyewear Expresso X6000, letting the inside come out - A braver better you.

So over joyed and full of tears was God, he deposited mucus all over the garden. The mucus spasmed on the ground then started to crawl, what a mess!

Chasing them down with broom sticks, we built a brick holding room 

And sealed them underground. Of course they were furious, so we installed a telephone line for them so they could talk to their proprietor. They confided happily ever after.

*Act I, Scene II*

Face the palm towards the ground, focus a small energy of chi. Mold the earth below into Oriented Strand Board, now pull up! Your palm rises from the ground pulling the board from the earth!

Get to your designated height (use a laddar if you have to)

And repeat along the perimeter

Swing the camera around...

...so you can practice your karate! This move simulates real life situations where you are attacked from behind by axe kicking monkeys and must distribute a lethal blow to the nose of a condor.

*Act I, Scene III*

Levelling. 

The first thing about levelling and framing is knowing your material.

First, approach it.

caress it

Picture what you want to achieve (i.e. the above, a perfect level)

Now show outward agression to the unlevel material!

"Bitch, I will fight you!"

The material becomes subservient and abides. Perfect Level

"Get in line!"

and a structure that is known in the trade as plumb maximum

The guy in the centre, in disbelief, is thinking one thing,

"This is plumb maximum!"

I'm thinking, "who are you and how come you've got your shoes on? Damn savage! Wait till I get to your house, I'll walk a mile in turd before stepping..."

And on that display of human kindness, I throw a confetti of warm wishes on your sleepy souls! Goodnight!